Christmas with the Cold Family!
by Nickolaidas
Summary: When Cold is visited by the ghost of his ancestor telling him to embrace Christmas and repent from his evil ways, the entire Planet Trade Corporation falls into chaos. The result? Total hilarity! (Story includes various Writers and Readers from this website as guest characters).


_This story will use some authors and readers as characters, solely for the purpose of comedy and satire. Please everyone, don't take offence, it's all in good mood and spirit. So, without further ado, enjoy the Christmas Special - Christmas With the Cold Family!_

* * *

Earth Date: Age Who-gives-a-crap, December 20th, midnight plus one minute

Location: Planet Cold, King Cold's bedroom

The Pagosian Arcosian Ice-Jin Changeling alien President of the Planet Trade Corporation Company Federation Empire was snoring like a hippopotamus after eating a small ice cream with chestnuts ... when suddenly, a blue glow appeared next to him. A ghost, an apparition, a spectre full of doom and gloom (and maybe even some boon) began to cry out the Tyrant of All Tyrants' name.

"Ebenezer Scroooo - er, I mean, Kiiiiiiing Cooooooold ..." said the ghost as menacingly as it could.

The Tyrant let a fart and opened his eyes. "Who ... who dares to awaken, the one, the only, the primetime, the magnificent magnum opus of wonder, King Cold himself? Who dares to (looks at the ghost) - GASP! Can it be!? ... BEN AFFLECK!?

"What?" said the ghost narrowing its eyes, "No! No, I'm IceCube, your beloved ancestor, who died of a groin attack when you just a little bo-"

"BEN AFFLECK!" Cold shouted with joy, happy to see his favourite hero. "Ben, can you sign this!?" the Cold villain asked the ghost, throwing a Ben Affleck photo which passed right through the ectoplasmatic ectoplasm. Before the ghost could respond or answer, Cold wrapped himself in his black bed sheet and eagerly asked the spectre, "Ben, Ben can you say it? Say it, 'I'm ... BATMAN!', while he took a menacing pose.

The ghost growled and took the sheet off Cold, "Dammit boy, can you shut up for a second!? I'm not the GOD-DAMN BATMAN! Nor am I Ben Affleck! I ... am your ... FATHER!"

"That's not true ..." said Cold crouching and holding on to his bed, "... THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

"Search your feelings, you know it to be - GOD DAMMIT, COLD, GET UP!"

Cold obliged the spectre.

"Cold ..." said the ghost ominously, "You've been a bad, baaad boy ..."

"How so?" Cold asked calmly.

"The f&*k you meaaan, 'how sooo'? You destroooyed and coooonquered thoousaaands of wooorlds, you bleeew up people who neeever did aaaanything wrong to youuu, and you overwooork employeees to exhaaaustion, starvaaation, dehydraaation, penetraaaation, and overthetopation ..."

"Yeah ..." Cold said chuckling, "remember that planet of Hewgs we both blew up by charging a small comet with ki and then shoving it to the planet's north pole, as if it was a hot coal inside a lion's ass?"

"Ha!" said the ghost beaming up with joy, "Yeah, I remember that! The planet started spinning around as if it was stoned or something - er, wha, I mean, Nooooo! That was a mistaaaaake ..."

"Mistake!?" Cold said furiously, "how can you say that?! If it wasn't for us, people wouldn't be dying left and right ... which means it was right of us to do the right thing ... right?"

"Stop making excuses Cold!" IceCube screamed, followed by the moo of a cow outside Cold's window, "If you do not change your evil ways ... if you do not let Coca Cola, I mean, Jesus Christ, or was it ... Santa ... (looks to the ceiling) IS IT SANTA?! (looks back at Cold), yeah that's it, if you do not let Goodness fester inside your heart ... there will be no salvation for your bowl - er, your SOUL!"

Cold narrowed his eyes in disbelief.

"You ..." said IceCube's spectre, "are going to be visited by THUH-REE ghosts ... Expect the first one, tomorrow, at noon."

"Aw, man! That's the time of my siesta!", Cold complained.

The ghost's eyes narrowed.

"Oh, FINE!" Cold yelled.

"And now that you have committed yourself to the commitment ... I can commit myself to an excusation of my person", said the ghost calmly, and gently closed its eyes. Cold looked at IceCube being completely still for a few seconds.

The Tyrant slightly leaned towards the spectre and muttered, "Err, you're still her-"

"FIVE!" yelled the ghost, "FOUR! THUH-REE! TWO! ONE!" then stayed silent.

Cold opened his mouth, but was cut off before he could speak.

"BUH-LAST OFF!" said the ghost and began to levitate upwards, with smoke and blue spectral fire coming out of its ass. Cold fixed his gaze on the flying spectre disappearing from the ceiling, with the sounds of the engines slowly fading away.

Cold looked at the camera. "Huh. I should probably cut down on the drugs."

* * *

[Opening theme 'Chala Head Chala' begins to play]

(Piccolo is flying erratically with his eyes wide open and cross-eyed, has a stupid smile and now and then comes in front of the camera)

Singer's voice:

When you know, that the time to fight is yester-daaay (yesterday!) ...

you remem-ber, thatyoushouldbe fighting todaaay!

When you open the stove sear-ching for the mis-sing PANcakes (mis-sing pancakes!) ...

You realized, that, you left-them on the friiiiidge!

If, oo-one minute you're at-tacked by dii...nosaurs ...

teach them how to ride a ball ... (guitar sound)

because our lyrics blow donkey d*******&k!

CHA LA!

HEAD CHA LA!

What in-the-hey is this chap-ter parodyyyy,

Do you KNOW what a parody iiiiiiiiiiss?!

CHA LA!

HEAD CHA LA!

In-stead of searching ab-out the Drag-on Balls ...

Bow at Goku Balls insteaaaaaad!

CHA LA!

HEAD CHA LA!

This story will make you question ev-erything...

mOOost of all, your san-ityyyyy!

Piccolo: Sparking!

Goku: Charging!

Krillin: Ducking!

Gohan: Duckling!

Yajirobe: (drinks Coke)

(they all look at the samurai)

Yajirobe: AAAAAAAAHH!

[Opening theme ends, God help us all]

* * *

Earth Date: Still on Age Who-Gives-A-Crap, December 20th, 7:30am

Location: Frieza's bedroom

Frieza was snoring loudly in his bed, with a bubble inflating and deflating outside his left nostril, going along with his breathing. **Roketto**, a blond bombshell of a killer wearing a black jogging suit knocked the door.

"Lord Frieza?" she sighed, "Lord Frieza, it's way past your time to get up - I'm coming in!"

Frieza didn't reply, he just kept snoring even when the female officer opened the door. Ignoring the sleeping Tyrant, she raised the curtains, allowing the strong sunshine rays to fall upon the albino alien.

"AARGH!" the Overlord screamed covering his face, "It burns ... IT BURNS!"

"Oh, stop it", Roketto replied, "it's just our friend, the sun."

"Roketto", Frieza replied annoyed, "what is the meaning of this? I expressly commanded that I shouldn't be distrurbed unless someone wishes to disturb me!"

"You have an appointment with the emisaries of the GaGaGayGa race, today", the woman answered matter of factly.

"Oh! Oh great!" Frieza said in exaggerated joy, "another mammalian race which I must interact with! I must practice myself to their habits, rituals and customs IMMEDIATELY!" he lashed out his tail and grabbed the chandelier in the ceiling, then started swinging himself left and right yelling "OH OH OH, AH AH AH AH AH!", while scratching his armpits.

Roketto sighed and crossed her arms, giving him a 'real nice, smartass' look. "My Lord, I am a mammal myself and I like to think that I've evolved from that stage quite a lot ..."

"That's because you hang out with me!" Frieza countered, folding his arms, still swinging upside down.

"Alright, time to get dressed my Lord", the woman stated.

"Not so fast!" said the Tyrant. "Tell me a story ..."

"No, no stories", said the woman rejectively, "get dressed."

The Tyrant threw himself to her arms, forcing her to hold him like a baby. "Aw, but I want my stoooryy! I wanna! I WANNAWANNAWANNAWANNAWANNA!"

The woman sighed and smiled. "Oh ... alright." She sat on the bed, with Frieza still in her arms, "Once upon a time ... there was a BEE-uu-tiful Arcosian Prince."

"PRINCESS!" Frieza shouted.

Roketto looked in front of her for a few seconds, then looked back at Frieza and smiled. "Sure, why not?"

* * *

Earth Date: Viva

Location: Pinata

Goku: Hey Vegeta, what do you want us to do tonight?

Vegeta: The same thing we do every night, Kakarot ... try and shut you the hell up.

Goku: Oh! Oh I'm game! I'M GAME I'M GAME I'M GAME I'M GA- (gets punched by Vegeta)

* * *

Earth Date: December 21st, 9:05 am

Location: Cooler's Office

Cooler was sitting on his desk's chair, typing on his desk's laptop, which was on the surface of the desk's desk.

**Ty10000000**, one of his most trusted and horribly named officers entered the door.

"Heeeeeeeeeere's TY!" he shouted. Cooler was either in busy mode, or ignore mode, not making any reaction to Ty at all.

"M'lord, we have a problem", said the half-blue half-black hedgehog.

"What is it?" said Cooler, still pressing keys on his laptop and not taking his eyes off his monitor.

"Every single one of the Planet Trade Corporation employees is demanding a raise", answered Ty.

Cooler opened his eyes wide and looked at his henchman. "What? Even **Bill from Accounting**?"

"ESPECIALLY Bill from Accounting", replied Ty.

Cooler ran to his window, raised the blinds and saw an entire mob of employees at the yard outside, waving signs saying "RAISE NOW, OR COLD IS NOT COOL", "WTF, PTC!?" and "HGXY FTW BTW!" And Bill from Accounting was right there, in the frontline of the mob."

"What should we do, boss?" asked Ty.

Cooler grabbed a hood, put it on, then slowly turned to Ty and said in an elderly voice, "Wipe them out. All of them."

Ty slowly lashed out his hands with tremendous speed to calm his Lord, Pope and Master. "M'Lord, with all due respect, two Star Wars references in only two pages apart is, how to say this ... 'too soon ?' And besides, it's almost Christmas."

"It's what?" Cooler said, raising an eyebrow.

"Christmas", the hedgehog answered, "the jolliest time of the year, where people are supposed to be happy even though they're not, buy things for their kids because otherwise they won't shut up, think about food and moan in frustration because they have a long, long day ahead of them filled with chores and boring jobs, which they must nonetheless do."

"So in other words", Cooler concluded, "It's Monday."

"No, it's -" Ty let a sigh, "It's something more than that. It's a celebration for the good of humanity, for showing us that we can be better than what we are, and make us aspire to become good human beings!"

"Okay, first -" Cooler said, "We are not even human. Second, our job involves killing, destroying and blowing up planets. Third, I am perfectly satisfied with my life and I have no regrets. So why the EFF should I bother with this holiday?"

Ty gave him a small bag. "You also get to wear a beard, a red cap, and pretend you're Santa Claus."

"HOLY SHI-" Cooler snapped, grabbing the bag in a grabbing grab that could grab anyone's attention, "SERIOUSLY!? I'M IN!"

The purple Tyrant wore the beard, the cap and started walking outside his office singing "He sees youuu ... when you're sleeping ..." his voice mimicking Frank Sinatra's.

Ty raised his hand as if to stop his master, while he was walking away, fading from view. "Er, boss, boss ... You wore the beard the wrong way, it goes to the face not the neck - fffff*&k ..."

* * *

Earth Date: December 20th, 10:00

Location: Cold's Office

King Cold was seriously serious, as he was thinking about his ghostly meeting. He knew he didn't have a ghost of a chance against the ghost, but while he ghostly wondered whether he should give up the ghost, the ghost in the machine reminded him that ghosting was -

"SHUT UP!" Cold screamed at the narrator - that is, me - "You're not being funny! You're just using the same word over and over without reason, cause or meaning! It's not funny!"

Alright then, big balled frozen f*&k, why don't you narrate?

"Fine!" Cold said in a way that feigned non-annoyance, "I will!"

DUUUUH KING CUCK DUUUUUH WENT TAAAAH -

"That's not me!" King Cold shouted.

Oh, FINE!

* * *

Earth Date: December 21st, 13:00 pm

Location: Frieza's Office

My magnificent son, Frieza, was at his desk, marvelling at his excellence, when the radio transmitter rudely interrupted him.

"Lord Frieza?" said the insignificant henchman.

"Yes, what is it?" replied my beloved child.

"We have incoming transmission from **Grand Admiral Nappa**", added the c*&ksucking c*&t.

"Put him through", said my darling, with a totally justified bored tone in his voice.

"Hey, boss!" said the awkwardly dressed military commander. "Whatcha doing?"

"Looking at you", replied the epitome of sexiness, "What do you want Admiral?"

"We have reports of reindeers flying all over the planet. Want me to blast them to pieces? Tore them to shreds? Rape their women!? BURN THEIR HOMES?!"

My baby boy looked at the berskerked Saiyan Admiral for a few seconds, not sure what he could say to avoid tipping him off any further. But since joyous days were approaching, he thought of a way to please both Nappa *and* Santa. H-hey! Did you read that? Nappa? Santa? Ha ha! I knew I had a talent in poetry! Back when I was studying for my major in Planet Destruction, I remember my dad telling me that I should pick up another art in case things went south and wouldn't pass the Universal Dominion exams. So I started doing classes in poetry! My other classmates would say 'Oh Cold, you're losing your time', or 'Come play video games with the rest of us', and crap like 'Your poetry blows donkey d*#k'! Huh, SHOW THEM! I remember one of my best works yet, I called it 'The Knocked Off Ocean' and it went like this:

The ocean is filled with fish and other wondrous organisms,

fearing neither air nor fire, it's full of salt and piss,

But when you look at the eggs the fish leave in the sand,

you start to notice that not everything is spiffy as a band.

Can you imagine a knocked off ocean? A tidal wave so vast,

its womb swollen with the sperm of all things swimming,

Raping the ocean every freaking time they 'finish'

making the waves look like a passive observer,

Can you see a knocked off ocean? Can you feel the knocked off ocean?

If yes, you are a rapist, if not you're an accomplice.

In the end, in the finish line, in the grand finale of things,

nothing is more loveable ... than a knocked-off ocean.

... sniff ... I'm sorry ... so many memories ... I just ... I'm sorry, eh? Frieza is no longer in his room. Shhhhi-

* * *

Earth Date: Game

Location: of Thrones

Goku: Hey Vegeta, wanna hear a joke?

Vegeta: ... no, not really.

Goku: Okay, there's like, a guy, banging a slut in bed. Suddenly, there is like, heavy knocking on the door. 'BITCH! OPEN THE DOOR!', a guy outside says, 'I KNOW YOU'RE IN ... WITH YOUR LOVERRRR!'

Vegeta: mm hmm (looks across the road while they're walking).

Goku: So then, the slut says, like "OMFG, mah husband is outsah'd! You gotta hide, b'rah!"

Vegeta: Wait, what? Is she from Texas, or is she an African American? You totally switched her accent!

Goku: Hey, you wanna hear this, or not? So anyway, the guy is like "Where can I hide? It's just a bedroom, no other rooms!"

Vegeta: Makes sense. Sounds like they're in a love hotel.

Goku: Oh, shi- you're right, forgot to tell you, there is a guy, outside yelling about the best love hotels in the States, and then the scene with the bedroom begins ... or wait, should I just say ... no ... lemme think ... umm ...

Vegeta: (looks passively at Goku)

Goku: ... okay, okay, they're in a love hotel - so, the slut shoves the guy inside a closet, then quickly slams the closet door shut without giving the guy time to arrange himself - SO HIS BALLS GET STUCK IN THE CRACK! RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOOR HANDLE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Vegeta: ... that's the joke?

Goku: No, no, *snort* - the slut then opens the room's door and her husband barges in, all smoke and fumes. "WHERE IS HE, YOU DUMB BITCH!? WHERE'S - YOUR - LUVERRRR!?"

Vegeta: AARR, shiver me timbers, AARRRR MATEY!

Goku: ...

Vegeta: Well, you sound like a god damn pirate.

Goku: ANYwaaaaay ... the husband then sees the other guy's balls hanging from the closet door. He points at them and says, "the f*&k are those?" The slut is like, AW SHI- but then she has an epiphany, and says smiling: "They're Christmas Bells!"

Vegeta: (slaps his forehead and does the facepalm)

Goku: The guy curiously steps closer and looks at the balls. He raises his hand and gives them a loud slam. He looks at his slut of a wife with a look of disbelief, but the slut is too slutty to actually say anything.

Vegeta: (smiling) then what?

Goku: The husband raises his hand and gives another, stronger slam. Nothing. Another slam. Nothing. Slam! Nada! Then, he raises his hand to give the strongest slammy slam yet, but he is stopped by the other guy's voice, yelling: "DING-DONG AND MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU F*&KING A$$HOLE!"

Vegeta: (laughs honestly with the joke)

Goku: See? I knew you'd like it!

* * *

Earth Date: December 21st

Location: King Cold's Office

"Just as I thought", I said to no one in particular while going back and forth between direct and indirect speech, "It's noon and there is no ghost in sight! This was total bullcrap!"

The second I stopped shoving my foot in my mouth, a gigantic whirpool of fuzzy fuzz began appearing in front of me. "Hmm", I said to no one but me, "Looks like I have some kind of ... parallel dimension portal being created inside my office ... I KNEW I should have hired that guy from Space Chicago to do the decorating! But Cooler thought it would be wise to save money. Brainless d*&k."

My honest feelings about my firstborn son were rudely interrupted by a gigantic hand which grabbed me and pulled me inside the portal. Inside, we (that is, me and the weird big hand) were swirling around the ultra-dimensional warp that bent time and space. Without losing my head, I instinctively inspected the entire scene, analyzed all the possible explanations and outcomes of this particular predicament, and wisely commented on the entire affair by saying "DUUUUUUDE!"

Suddenly, a voice was heard behind me. "Welcome, King Cold. -**Perfect Carnage**."

"Wha- WHO THA FU' R U?!" I asked out loud, making the best use of the common tongue.

"You may call me Perfect Carnage", said the creature who seemed to be an absorbed Perfect Cell by Super Boo. Or a Super Boo absorbed by Perfect Cell ... I don't know, his avatar's pretty screwy, "but I will play the part of the Ghost of Christmas Past in this story. -Perfect Carnage."

"So where are we going? Back to the Past in order to see my folks and get all emo?" I asked readily.

"... are you being a smartass?" the ghost-who-promises-that-he-will-become-an-author-one-day asked.

"Apparently I am", I said chuckling at my joke in the previous line. "So, take me to my parents!"

"No ... for you, King Cold", said the specterly specter, "I have something far better than just a family reunion. - Perfect Carnage".

A bright sphere of brightness brightened the place to an astonishingly astonishing degree, transporting us back to ... THE FU*#?!

"I ... I recognize this place", I said to Perfect Carnage, "It's the Planet Trade Corporation ... when my father was still running it and I was just learning the ropes!"

"Yup", said the ghost, "Now watch this - Perfect Carnage".

I focused my vision on me, thousand of years younger, where I used to fire weak death beams on the asses on the employees, making them work faster.

"Faster, my little worker bees, FASTER! ZAP!" I yelled in a admiringly tyrannical for my age tone, "Or feel the sting of the Cold Family! What, you're not working twice as fast, Smithers? ZAP! Oh, you think what I said was funny, Ferdenson? ZAP! Oh hey Tasha, nice ass! ZAP!"

I turned and looked at Perfect Carnage. "I don't get it", I told him, not getting it. "Was I wrong back then? Was I supposed to kill them, and not torture them?"

"Cold", Perfect Carnage emphasized, "It's the freakin' 25th of December. It's Christmas. And yet instead of having the employees taking the day off, you brought them for work, with no benefits, and tortured them for fourteen hours on end. You're a d*&k. - Perfect Carnage."

"So the moral of the story is that I should give benefits and days off to my employees", I concluded.

"Correct - Perfect Carnage", said the ghost.

"ARE YOU ON CRACK!?" I asked in total honesty. "That is *the* best way to destroy the company! How the hell are my employees supposed to work if they don't have the stress of death looming above their heads? This is bullshit!"

"You're hopeless. Let's just go back. - Perfect Carnage", said the ghost and teleported us to the dimensional time/space wormhole thingie.

"So, was that supposed to make me feel warm and fuzzy?" I asked annoyed.

"I'm going to write a story one day -" said Carnage before I cut him off.

"How about writing a story NOW?" I asked annoyed.

"Oh, I'll give you a story ... I GOT YOUR STORY ... RRRRIGHT HERE! - Perfect Carnage", the ghost said, pulling a pen and paper out of its ass. He wrote a big FU*& YOU on the paper, spat on it, then slapped it on my forehead. "There? HAPPY!?"

My intense swearing got covered by the swirling sounds and colours of the dimensional vortex which sucked me right back inside (felt like oral sex, by the way) then spat me back out, in my office, falling down to the floor. When I got up, I was surprised to see Cooler sitting on my chair.

"The hfil are you doing here?" I asked the prick.

"Well, our sensors stopped picking you up, so I had to make the decision of succeeding you and taking control of the company, since you might as well could have been dead", said my firstborn, matter of factly.

"What time did my signal fade out?" I asked.

"About 13:45", Cooler responded.

"And what time did you succeeded me and took over the company?" I inquired.

"13:47", Cooler answered.

Cooler's body smashed my office door open, as I threw out my over-ambitious son. "And call a carpenter to make me a new door!" I yelled at him as he limped away.

* * *

Earth Date: December 22nd

Location: Planet Trade Corporation Shipyard

"So there they are, Lord Frieza", **Grand Admiral Nappa** remarked, "our ships."

"Wow", Frieza commented, "there are so many."

"Yup", Grand Admiral Nappa agreed, "We invade star systems, after all."

"Mm", Frieza concurred and both stayed still looking at the ships. "Sooo ..." the Tyrant asked, turning his head towards Grand Admiral Nappa, "Why are we making this scene again?"

"Because I had little screen time", Grand Admiral Nappa replied, "the author has no idea what kind of jokes to do with my character, I am an Admiral -"

"A GRAND admiral ..." Frieza corrected.

"A Grand Admiral", Nappa nodded, "so ... one thing led to another."

"Grand Admiral", my son said with pride, "I will name you my heir and you shall take my place, my office, my responsibilities and my salary." - wait, THE HELL HE JUST SAID!?

"Kay", Grand Admiral Nappa said indifferently. ... Is my son out of his FREAKIN' MIND ?!

* * *

Earth Date: Naughtius

Location: Maximus

Dodoria was standing in the entrance of the Planet Trade Corporation, making sure that people without business would become people with business before entering the building in order to state their business which they had recently acquired before being without any business. Because that was Dodoria's business. Giving business to the businessless.

"Hey mister", a child said to Dodoria, breaking off his playthrough of a Zelda game on his 3DS.

"Whaddyawant, kid?" asked the overweight f*&k, turning his head to see about ten small children, holding christmas triangles.

"Wanna hear us sing the carols?" said a little girl.

"Nah", said Dodoria bored, "S'alrait, gots mah THUH-REE DEE EZZ game rah' here!"

"Okay, Mister!" said the girl happy and turned to her band, "Hit it guys!"

"JiNgLe BElLz, JIinglE BEllZ, RoLlInG DoWn ThE StReEt -"

"HURK!" Dodoria gasped as every fiber of his being was being simultaneously traumatized by the amazing crappy chorus that the children (more like HellSpawn) were 'creating'. "No! -hnkh!- Stop! STOOOOP!"

"LaUgHiNg ThRoUgh ThE SnOw, KyaHaHaAhAh-"

"JESUZ CHRAST', MAKE'T F*&KN' STOOOP!" screamed the obese henchman and ran away, with the children running behind him, while singing. Dodoria was panicked, sweating bacons and farting pork chops. He finally saw a small house with a open door and slammed himself inside.

Dodoria sighed in relief, his eyes closed, only to open one eye wide when he heard similar music from the inside of the house, which turned out to be a cloister with small children. The pope saw Dodoria and turned to the children, "Ah! A lost soul was summoned thanks to your singing, my dear children! Sing! Sing loud for the poor soul that just joined us!"

"We WiSh YoU a MeRrY ChRiStMaS, We WiSh YoU a MeRrY ChRiStMaS ..."

Dodoria had no other choice than to pull a Darth Vader 'NoooOOOooOOoo!' out of his ass.

* * *

Earth Date: December 23rd

Location: Cold Throne Room

**Roketto** was patiently waiting for her lord and master to appear and sit on his throne room, in order for the meeting with the ambassador of the GaGaGayGa race to begin. She opened her eyes wide when she saw **Grand Admiral Nappa** entering the throne room instead.

"All hail Prince Vice President Grand Admiral Nappa!" said the henchman - that's a mouthful.

"Yo", Grand Admiral Nappa said while he sat to the throne, next to an amazed Roketto.

"What ... what are you doing ?!" She asked in shock.

"Frieza has given me all of his titles and responsibilities. I'll be leading the company from now on." said the Admiral bored.

"Bu... bu- bu- but ..." Roketto stuttered.

"BU bububu bu bu - stop sounding like a motorbike and bring in the ambassador!" Grand Admiral Prince Vice President Nappa yelled. Roketto had no choice but to comply.

"Em, ALL HAIL AMBASSADOR **Silver Yasain** from planet PapaPayPal of the GaGaGayGa race!" the blond femme fatale announced, still fazed by the events."

Silver Yasain walked in and made a couple of steps back in horror, right after staring at the seated figure. "YOU'RE NOT FRIEZA!" he screamed, eyes wide open.

Grand Admiral Nappa quickly wore a shirt that wrote 'I AM FRIEZA' on the chest.

"Oh," said Silver Yasain, "I'm sorry my Lord, my eyes must have been playing tricks on me. It is an absolute honor to meet you -"

Grand Admiral Nappa took a blaster gun out of his ass and fired at Silver Yasain. The blast opened a hole in the ambassador's chest, and the Silver guy fell to the floor instantly.

"What ... WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Roketto screamed.

"Justifiable homicide in the line of duty", Grand Admiral Nappa said with a heavy heart.

"No, no that was murder!" Roketto snapped.

"Open your eyes, gal!" Grand Admiral Nappa countered, "that guy spent his days making peace treaties, alliances and diplomatic expeditions - FEAR ISN'T THE ANSWER!"

"... what ... I don't even ..." Roketto said before walking away.

"Where are you going!? ... Hey! ... I WAS GOING TO ORDER EXPRESSO!" the Grand Admiral yelled at the woman was walking farther and farther away.

"Cough ... cough..." Silver Yasain said while his blood was all over the floor.

"Still alive?" Grand Admiral Nappa asked.

"Still alive ..." Silver Yasain gasped.

"So, when are you going to die?" asked the Admiral.

"What, you're going to put a timer on me?" the dying man asked annoyed.

"I'm JUST making conversation!" the Grand Admiral replied frustrated.

"And I'm trying to prevent my blood from exiting through my mouth", said Yasain, "so don't give me any lip!"

"Fine!" snapped Grand Admiral Nappa.

"Fine", snapped Silver Yasain.

(half a minute later)

"Still alive?" Grand Admiral Nappa asked.

* * *

Earth Date: December PApaPAapaapapapapapapAAAAA!

Location: Katchuck, Katsuank, :) :( :D :D O_O O_- -_- ^.^ *.O

**Simgr101** was looking at his monitors and clenched his fists with concentrated anger of extreme concentration.

"It is time", Simgr101 said. "Time to strike."

"Huh?" his subordinate minion, known only as **4Fireking** replied. "Whatcha talking about, boss?"

"The Cold Family is extremely distracted with the events which are transpiring in the season of giving", replied the cuckold conspirator. "Now ... now is the time to strike! For too long, have we toiled under the Colds' boots, for too long, have we endured their oppression, their vulgar vulgarity, and the needless need to be constantly needy. Now, after five hundred thousand years of waiting, now we can STRIKE ... and embrace our true destinies!"

"That's so beautiful boss ... I think I got an erection", replied the henchman.

"TMI, 4Fireking ... Anyway, for years we have slaved on our post, trying to please our cold masters, who were cold in name, heart, and body temperature", lectured Simgr101. "We have lost our free will, our ability to think for ourselves, to speak for ourselves, to self for ourselves. We have become drones. Thralls. Cheap-ass charlatans who only breathed to bring pleasure to our Lords. Well, ENOUGH! We STRIKE! And WE STRIKE NOW! Never again! Never again will the Colds manage to acquire the power they had in the past! Never again will their rule go unopposed, without question, without backtalk, without any sign of resistance! WE STRIKE!"

He turned to his minion. "Are you with me? Are you ready to make the ultimate sacrifice and strike at our slavers and oppressors!? ARE YOU READY TO BEGIN THE STRIKE!?"

"THAT'S A BIG-TEN-FOUR, CYBER PAL!" shouted 4Fireking.

Simgr101 looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"... yes, I am ..." replied the underling, somewhat annoyed at his master's inability to 'get the joke'.

"Alright", said Simgr101, let's do this.

Both men exited the janitor room, locked the door and hung a "ON STRIKE" sign on the door.

"There", Simgr101 said, then turned to his minion. "So, you want to watch a movie, or ... ?"

"Sure", said 4Fireking casually.

* * *

Earth Date: December 23rd

Location: A beach in Space Hawaii

Frieza is wearing a flower shirt and is dancing with some Hawaii chicks while BAMBALAYAAA is being played on a HiFi system.

* * *

Earth Date: WhoGivesAF*&k

Location: KameHouse, Krillin and #18's Bedroom

Krillin: (smokes a cigar while looking at the ceiling)

#18: (turns around to see Krillin and gently rubs her finger through his chest)

Krillin: (unfazed)

#18: Hey ...

Krillin: (still looking at the ceiling)

#18: ... Wanna have sex?

Krillin: (draws a puff then blows the smoke, eyes fixed on the ceiling) No thanks, I've had at the office.

#18: O_o

* * *

Earth Date: December 23rd

Location: King Cold's Office

"Mr Cold?" asked my secrerary.

"Yes, Zeniepenny?" I answered bored.

"There's someone to see you", replied the woman.

"Not in the mood to see anyone", I snapped back.

"He says he's the ghost of a holiday which occurs on a totally different planet outside of our galaxy - even star system - present."

I sighed. "Let him in."

Super Saiyan Son Goku entered, wearing his gi and all, except that he had a sign reading 'NOT GOKU' hanging from his chest. "I'm **Kakarot Son**", the ghost announced, "the ghost of Christmas Present".

"This is wrong on SO many levels", I commented.

"I'm here to take you to -" I cut him off.

"... places where other people are enjoying Christmas in order to see what I've been missing out on. Sure, hit me!" I replied hastily.

My jaw nearly dislocated after Kakarot Son gave me a roundhouse kick that would even make Chuck Norris proud.

Oh God.

GOD.

Chuck.

Chuck Norris.

I said Chuck Norris.

You know what that means, right?

* * *

Frieza's five minute time paradox on Namek lasted three hours. Chuck Norris' would've last three seconds.

Chuck Norris can fire Kamehamehas with his eyes, and doesn't even need to aim.

Chuck Norris' power level is so huge, scouters explode even when he's hiding his ki.

Chuck Norris can transform into SSJ Infinity.

Chuck Norris can use telekinesis, telepathy, special beam cannon, tri-beam, genki dama and death beam at the same time, without needing ki.

Chuck Norris was too bored to invade Earth, so he sent Bills.

Chuck Norris activates his Zenkai effect just by concentrating for a millisecond.

Chuck Norris can fly to the other side of the world, eat dinner, fly home, see a movie and play some video games while his opponent is still powering up (although that isn't saying much, this IS Dragon Ball we're talking about ...)

Frieza was known as Lord of the Entire Universe. Chuck Norris is known as Lord of all Universes, Time Warps, Dimensions, Alternate Realities and Pickles.

Chuck Norris can use Instant Transmission without using it.

Chuck Norris can absorb his opponents. He just chooses not to.

When Goku awakened on Yardrat and opened his eyes, he managed to catch a glimpse of Chuck Norris flying away.

Gohan became SSJ2 because when he saw Cell crashing #16's head, he heard Chuck Norris in his mind saying "Waste that sonuva -"

Chuck Norris created the Planet Trade Corporation, but sold it to King Cold when he got bored roundhouse-kicking his enemies into submission.

Brolly became the Legendary Super Saiyan after hearing some tips from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was the first Kami.

Chuck Norris is not hiding from the UnNamed. The UnNamed is hiding from Chuck Norris.

Everytime Chuck Norris snaps his fingers, a planet blows up somewhere in the universe (proof of Chaos Theory).

Any martial artist who tried to feel Chuck Norris' ki ended up lobotomized.

Gero abandoned the Cell Project because he couldn't get blood from Chuck Norris.

Everytime Vegeta screams that he's the strongest in the universe, he immediately and quickly adds under his breath, 'besides Chuck Norris'.

Frieza refused to search for the Earth Dragon Balls because he knew Chuck Norris lived there.

Chuck Norris can use fusion with himself and can choose to ignore the thirty minutes time limit of the technique.

When Chuck Norris defuses, he becomes stronger than fused Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to time travel to the past in order to warn the Z Fighters about the androids; he causes the universe to go back in time instead.

Lunch didn't 'disappear'. She just happened to bump into Chuck Norris when in her blond hair state, and tried to mug him.

Chuck Norris can choose to bypass a scouter scan.

Even though Chuck Norris has mastered every single fighting technique that was, is and will ever be conceived by any creature in the entire universe, he still finds all those techniques grossly inferior to his roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris possesses Saiyan, Namek, Human and Pagosian DNA at the same time, each strain existing in perfect harmony with the others.

Every time Chuck Norris hears about a Goku vs Superman debate he -

**Audience: WE GET IT - GET ON WITH THE STORY!**

... (whispering) he 'Chuck'les and rolls his eyes.

* * *

"The f*&k you did that for?" I asked **Kakarot Son** as I was slowly getting up.

"You told me to hit you, and hit you I did", said the obnoxious prick. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on Donald Mouse!"

"... Could we PLEASE just teleport to where I'm supposed to go and be done with it?" I asked in honest frustration.

"Dun-dun DUUUUUUUUUN!" yelled Kakarot Son as he grabbed my groin and flew me upwards.

"You don't need to carry me that way", I said in quiet rage, "I can fly myself-"

"DUN-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Kakarot Son yelled, ignoring me.

After some flying, we landed on a small house in Space San Diego.

"Where the hell are we?" I asked even though I just narrated that we were on Space San Diego.

"Africa", Kakarot Son answered me as he tasted the water of the river.

"... Africa", I verified in total loss, as I wasn't exactly sure whether what I was seeing and narrating were the same thing. Narration, pfah! First person mode, activated!

King Cold: Kakarot Son, why are we in Africa, and how the hell did we flew from planet Cold to planet Earth?

Kakarot Son: Oh, look! The shut-the-f*&k-up fairy has appeared to answer your extremely boring question ...

**Stoicman** dressed as the Shut-the-f*&k-up fairy: Shut the f*&k up.

King Cold: Fine, fine ... I'm no longer debating how we got to Africa. But WHAT are we doing in Africa?

Kakarot Son: We're here to teach you about Christmas.

King Cold: In Africa.

Kakarot Son: (nods)

King Cold: Okay. Whatever. Anyone who hasn't yet given up on the plot at this point is a freakin' retard.

Kakarot Son: Now, let us drink from this river.

King Cold: No way in Hell. The water looks muddy. Not drinking this shit.

Kakarot Son: (rolls eyes and sits on one knee, taking a few sips by gently taking some water with his right hand)

King Cold: You done?

Kakarot Son: (opens his eyes wide, jumps up, backsteps in panic and points at the water) G - GOJIRRAAAAAAAHH!

King Cold: Whaa?

(Godzilla emerges from the river and towers over the two heroes)

Godzilla: (trademark roar)

Kakarot Son: AAAAAAAAAH!

King Cold: O.o

(Godzilla turns around and sees Gigan who is mooning him across the other side of the river)

Godzilla: THE FRENCH ... (runs towards Gigan in order to attack him) ... THE FRENCH!

Kakarot Son: Do you see, Cold? Do you finally SEE, now?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT CHRISTMAS IS!?

King Cold: Yes ... YES, I DO! I FINALLY DO!

Kakarot Son: Really?

King Cold: NO, YOU DUMB F*&K! WHY WOULD I!? HOW THE F*&K DOES SEEING A DEATH MATCH BETWEEN TWO GIANT MONSTERS - in Africa no less - TEACH ME THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS!?

Kakarot Son: ...

King Cold: THIS WHOLE PLACE IS A MADHOUSE ... A MAAAAAAAAADHOUSE!

Kakarot Son: Fine. Let us go back. You are beyong saving the way I see it.

King Cold: I'm going to f*&king murder you ...

Kakatot Son: Dun Dun DUUUUUUUUN!

King Cold: Not the groin!

* * *

Earth Date: December 24th

Location: A Beach in Space Hawaii

Frieza: Aaaah ... this is the life (drinks cocktail, making slurping sounds with his straw)

**Roketto**: (looks around) Lord Frieza! Lord Frie-zaaaa!

Frieza: Aw, shi - (puts on a large hat that covers his entire head, lies down perfectly still)

Roketto: Lord Frie- (rolls eyes and exhales) Thank God! My Lord Frieza, I've been looking all OVER for you! Why are you in Space Hawaii?

Frieza: (still having the hat over his head) Eh, ehh ... no comprente, NO COMPRENTEEEE! Muchas Gracias!

Roketto: (raises eyebrow)

Frieza: ARRIBA, ARIBA, ANDELLE ANDELLE, YOHA YOHAAA!

Roketto: (grabs the hat and throws it away)

Frieza: -GASP- Rocketto! You saved me! This demonic infernal hat has possessed me! Made me speak ... eh ... Polish?

Roketto: ...

Frieza: Yeah! And ... and it wanted me to drink COCKtails all the time! Me! Lord Frieza! A cocktail sucker! Hah - SHOW THEM, eh Rocketto?

Roketto: ...

Frieza: (sigh) OKAY, FINE! I wanted some Christmas holidays to myself, was that so bad?

Roketto: My Lord, you have to return to planet Cold. Grand Admiral Nappa is not performing ... as well as he should.

Frieza: You mean he's straight?

Roketto: N-no, I ... I mean, I don't ... my Lord, please, follow me back to planet Cold!

Frieza: (looks at camera) Every time I want to get out ... THEY PULL ME BACK IN!

Roketto: -_-;

Frieza: Look, I'm not going back, and THAT'S FINAL! (turns around and crosses his arms)

Roketto: Your father will be so sad ...

Frieza: (doesn't move)

Roketto: *I* will be so, very sad ...

Frieza: (slightly looks behind him)

Roketto: (smiles) I'll tell you a story if you come ...

Frieza: Weeeeeeeeeeee! (jumps at Rocketto's arms)

* * *

Earth Date: Are you even reading these two lines? Not just in this parody, but in my serious stories as well.

Location: Because I would be deeply hurt if you don't. Jus' sayin'.

King Cold: Ever since I've fired the narrator, and stopped narrating, this story is missing some serious context. It's as if stuff are like, happening, and I, as well as the audience, don't know anymore what's happening to the story!

**Jrik23**: (right next to Kind Cold) I'll say.

King Cold: (jumps away) THE F*&K?! Who are you?!

Jrik23: I'm the ghost of Christmas Future, but you can call me Susan for short.

King Cold: ... Yeah I'm just going to ignore that entirely - so, what's in store?

Jrik23: (Texas accent) Well ah gat sam' Carbon Pulverizah's and ah also gat sam' great pizzas and ah - What do you think, you clown? You failed at all the attempts to show you the true meaning of Christmas.

King Cold: In my defence, all you ghosts suck blue donkey d*&k. You wouldn't be able to tell the true meaning of Christmas even if it came to your face.

Jrik23: Ewww ...

King Cold: No, not - whatever. Take me to the future and let's get this over with.

Jrik23: mwa ha ha ha ... MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!

King Cold: Do we at least get to drive a time-travelling CAAAAAAAAAAAAA- (gets sucked into the vortex of time)

(the two men are swirling around a whirlwind of days, months and years)

Time: HEY! WHAT UP, ME NIGGAH!?

King Cold: Excuse me?

Time: Yo yo yo, Cold G boy G, dance the Christmas time dance motherf*&kah!

Jrik23: (grabs a mic and starts rapping) Hey, I say hey, gonna teach y'all a tale 'bout Jesus and the Christ, cuz he was nice and all, but he ended up in a mountain filled with rice!

King Cold: (grabs a mic and raps) He was from Nazaret, Nazaret, he came all over the Jews man, starting making miracles y'all, riding a badass donkey all the while, YO!

Jrik23: (keeps rapping) The Romans were all like, hey man, what up with that niggah, but in the end they respected the Lord, cause he was like, minding his business beavah!

King Cold: (keeps rapping) Yo yo! Yo yo yo, but the Pharisees were like, what the eff, man? Are you're like trying to make us close the damn shop?

Jrik23: (keeps rapping) Too many sinners man, too many bad boys yo, but the sweet Jesus tried to make all the bad boys go!

Time: NEW CHALLENGERS HAVE ARRIVED!

**LILFOC:** (enters the stage and grabs a mic, starts rapping) Yo, yo, yo, man, what the eff? It wasn't the Romans that killed Jesus hey, it was the oh-oh-oh-Overlords!

King Cold: (keeps rapping) Whatcha talking bout, foo? Jesus was a saint, Jesus was the mesiah! He saved every human from all sin, despite being treated like an effin' pariah!

**Amerigan Vigor** (grabs a mic and starts rapping): All you faggots better watch out man, here comes Vigor with a rapping plan! You guys think you make cool raps y'all, making lyrics an' all dat shit? Man, I listened all that crap, and they're not worth spit!

**Mr Arkham** (grabs a mic and starts rapping): Hey dudes look, it's American Vigor, so start making lyrics all the better, else he gonna lose it, booze it, and gonna spread it all over his butter!

King Cold (keeps rapping): Hey guys hey, remember a sweet guy called Jesus, y'all? This is *his* story we're supposed to talk about before going to the mall.

American Vigor (keeps rapping, facing Arkham): Man, all you did was a bitch-ass Frieza story, making him all emo because his papa got all gory, then treated the guy with a whole rotten mix, turning him into a freakin Super Saiyan going all up to level six!

Mr Arkham (keeps rapping, facing Vigor): You know what's the best about my god-awful stories Vigorbend? They actually *do* have the ability to actually *end*! I love my work and I love my pretty wife, too bad your story will never end cuz you suck at f*&king life!

America Vigor: You sonuva - (punches Mr Arkham)

Mr Arkham: (roundhouse-kicks Vigor then launches himself at him)

**Grand Admiral Nappa**: (appears with a piano, slams it at Arkham's d*&k)

Mr Arkham: Ow.

Dr Gero: #16! Kill them all! I command you!

#16: You Must Construct Additional Pylons.

**Roketto**: (kicks LILFOC in the balls) Genital Attack!

LILFOC: (moans) my favourites ...

**Kakarot Son** (appears and points at the sky far away): G-GOJIRAAAAAAH!

King Cold: -_-;

Godzilla: (trademark roar)

Everyone: (scream in terror, American Vigor runs away and enters a closet in order to hide, but his balls get stuck on the door's crack, next to the door handle)

Vegeta: (appears and starts slamming his balls) MERRY CHRISTMAS, MOTHERF*&KERRRR!

Saibaiman: Don't worry! I'll save you guys! (launches himself and grabs hold of Godzilla's groin, then self-destructs)

Godzilla: (falls down and dies)

Goku: I'm just here for the food! (eats Godzilla)

Krillin: DESTRUCTO DISC!

Roketto: (looks at Krillin) Dude, seriously?

Piccolo: (becomes gigantic and makes the 'Godzilla roar')

Everyone: (scream in terror again)

Chiaotzu: Don't worry, I'll save you guys! (launchs himself at Piccolo and self-destructs)

Piccolo: (smoke clears) Yeah, no.

Kakarot Son: FATHER!

Goku: (mouth filled with Godzilla meat) WhhaaaaaAAAA?

**Silver Yasain**: I'm back! (shoots Grand Admiral Nappa from behind)

Grand Admiral Nappa: I think I took it ... in the butt. (falls down)

**BillfromAccounting**: So, are you going to give me a raise?

King Cold: Kid, we're one step away from the looney bin, and all you care is your paycheck?

Kids: JiNgLe BeLlS, JiNgLe BelLs -

Dodoria: FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU -

**Ty10000000**: WHERE THE F*&K IS FRIEZA?!

Mr Arkham: Hey, just let you guys know the next chapter of Guardian is up. (gets stomped by everybody running towards their laptops)

Cooler (beard is still the other way around): Makes up his list ... checking it twice ... trying to see ... who's sane and who's up his ass with vice ...

Kakarot Son: It looks like this story has ... (puts on sunglasses) gone in Saiyan. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Silver Yasain: (looks at Kakarot Son)

Kakarot Son: ^.^

**4fireking**: Wow. That. was. different, but. totally. good. I. like. the. premise of it all. Hi. You. might. already. know me. My. name. is. 4fireking. I'm. not. what. you. say. to. be. an. inexperienced. writer. but. I'm. not. an. experienced. one. either. I. wrote. 94 stories. Some. of. them. are. good. while. the. others...not. so good. And. I. make. a. lot. of. mistakes. in. the. writing process.

LILFOC: Make it stoooop! PUH-LEAAAAAZE!

**Simgr101**: Everyone! Let's go on strike!

Everyone: HELLZ YEAH!

Woman's voice: Thunder, thunder, thun-der, THUN-DER-CATSSSS!

Nickolaidas: And that, my dear readers and fans, is the true meaning of Christmas. Jesus gave his life so that the people would have a day to use as an excuse not to drag their sorry butts at work, and stay at home, drinking on a cold winter's night. That and the presents. Still hoping that my brother will buy me a god damn PS4 for Christmas (hell, I'd settle for an X-Box One, really), but in the end, as a Saibaiman never said, "if you want to kill the Batman, never do it for free." Merry Christmas and God bless. The Cold Family will return next year for another holiday special. Hope the story made you smile, or at least, didn't make you puke.

Happy holidays and a happy new year as well!

(Porky Pig comes out)

Porky Pig: Th-th-th-th THAT's ALL FO-

**Super Vegetarott**: HOLD THE F*&KING PRESS!

Porky Pig: Bedia bedia bedia bedia (gets kicked out of the screen by Super Vegetarott)

Super Vegetarott: This story ain't over ... TILL I SAY IT'S OVER! ... And it ain't over! Hello? Roger, over?

**Stoicman:** So how are we going to get a part in a finished story?

Super Vegetarott: Pfah! Easily! We'll travel through time, and murder the ghosts! Then we'll take their place and be the main characters.

Stoicman: The ghosts aren't the main characters. They're allegorical entities who symbolize -

Super Vegetarott: (begins dancing around) Look! Do you see? Do you see all the f*&ks I give!?

Stoicman: ... Okay, fine, HOW are we going to get back in time ... in time?

Super Vegetarott: Well, I have a time machine on a hoi poi capsule ... aw shit, mixed it up with my blood pressure pill capsule. Which means we have to go to plan J.

Stoicman: I know I'll regret asking, but what happened to the plans before J?

Super Vegetarott: (grins) They asked too many questions.

Stoicman: How about we just tell a joke to the readers?

Super Vegetarott: Do I look like a stand-up comedian?

Stoicman: Okay, bad idea - so what's plan J?

Super Vegetarott: We're going to camp outside the author's front door, holding signs saying "GIVE US A BIGGER PART NEXT YEAR, YOU DOUCHE!", thus forcing him to make us the main characters!

Stoicman: Aw, you're gonna ask me to become the 2nd main character?

Super Vegetarott: Actually I was going for the 'super annoying sidekick', but, yeah whatever.

Stoicman: Well, that was a adventure and a half! So then, let's sit ... here ... and wait for the author to -

Me: (opens front door) hey guys, what's up?

Super Vegetarott: We are petitioning to become the stars of your next parody fic. You owe us since you didn't give us a main part in this story.

Me: Ah, sorry guys, the next story's main character slot was taken just a few minutes ago.

Super Vegetarott: Thanks man, I really app- Wait, WHAT?!

Me: Sorry.

Stoicman: (looks at the camera) AWK-WAAAARD ...

Super Vegetarott: AND WHO'S THE A-HOLE THAT STOLE MY PRECIOUS SCREEN TIME!?

Chuck Norris: (comes out of the house) So then, same time here, next year?

Stoicman: O.O

Super Vegetarott: *.*

Me: Yeah Chuck, you're gonna star in the parody fic "Chuck vs the World".

Chuck Norris: (nods, smiles then uses instant transmission)

Stoicman: ...

Super Vegetarott: ...

Me: Well, thanks for stopping by, guys! (goes back inside and closes door)

Super Vegetarott: (stares at the space)

Stoicman: (goes next to him) So, umm ... what's plan K?

Super Vegetarott: ...

Stoicman: Aw, cheer up you grumpy bastard! Why don't you eat a Christmas cookie?

Super Vegetarott: (grabs Stoicman by the throat) I'm getting tired of your lip ... if I WANT YOUR SUGGESTIONS, I'LL BEAT THEM OUT OF YOU!

Stoicman: (choking) cool.

(screen goes white)

* * *

The UnNamed: (looks at the camera and narrows his eyes) ... Merry Christmas.

Everybody: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

THE END ^.^


End file.
